the inspiration for dlsn.
Hello, non-existent readers. It's 11:10 p.m. and I have nothing else to do than to narrate a story to you. It helps to get things off of my head. Since all of you don't exist, you haven't heard of the poem book I wrote on Wattpad called DLSN, which also has non-existent readers. The poems written in the book were poems that I dedicated to this one person who I liked. It used to be a dedication, but now it's merely a remembrance of how I liked him. I thought it would be interesting to look back at the true story that actually inspired me to write those specific literary pieces.
Just last year, I was joined in a section namely St. Dunstan. I knew about a quarter of the people in the section, but the rest I have either seen in campus but have not had conversations with or people who I generally did not know. He was one of those people. At first glance, I didn't like him instantly. The feeling didn't just appear from there. At first glance, I knew I wanted to know more about him. I did get to know him better and I thought that he was a very likeable person.
Around second quarter (or halfway through first semester), I already considered him my crush. I admired him, I was denying the fact that I did like it when my friends shipped him with me. In that timespan, I didn't think about questions like "Does he like me back?" Or "Am I undeserving of this kind of person?" Because I indulged too much in the happiness that his idea gave me. It was a little thing that kept me going because I genuinely thought that I had a chance with him because, in full offense, he was my crush because my standards sunk that low. Rising up from my previous crush before him, I had to look for someone who I thought was going to like me somehow. I thought he was a perfect fit, as the insensitive and weird person he is.
Third quarter (start of second sem.) rolled in and this is where things started to go downhill. I got most of my breakdowns here and it was because I was trying to be the perfect person for him—to the point that I was asking my friend how he prefers his women so that I may fit in with the given standards. It was probably the lowest point in my whole year because I felt like a beggar, a person waiting and struggling for approval. He knew that I cried a lot, but he didn't know that it was partly because of him. The idea of him made me mad, it wasn't his fault.
Fourth quarter (near end of second sem.) I am seated with—let's call him Korea—who is now my close friend. Korea didn't know about my crush until I blurted it out. We worked hand-in-hand, both in terms of academics and in terms of crushes. His crush is also my friend and they were together but they broke up shortly after. He chaser after her because she told him that it was mainly his fault that it didn't work out. So, I worked with him through it as he worked with mine. In this quarter, I admitted it (kind of). I admitted it in April 1, but took it seriously in April 2. I got the most nonchalant response ever which was "I know. I'm ok with it, though." With a shrug. It was so nonchalant, it beat the previous one by 100%. I know it would've been worse if it was more dramatic, but seeing that I liked this person since September and not getting at least a decent acknowledgement is pretty annoying. Weeks went by, and Korea came up with this theory that this was when he'd caught on. He told me that maybe he wasn't convinced enough since I hid those feeling a lot. I believed him, so I kept trying. He was showing a bit of convincing proof that it was like that, but the back of my brain wasn't buying it.
Summer rolled by, and I still liked him. I couldn't get over all the things he and Korea have said. So I tried initiating conversations and he did reply. He also started some. Shortly after, I came to this realization that maybe he wasn't the correct person to like. I found him to be very insensitive and secretive—both of which I don't like. I realized that because I keep trying to be with this person, I have sunken so low. So, because of that, I gave up and remove whatever remnance I had of our conversations and memories. Some of you may think that it's petty to unfriend someone you didn't even have a relationship with. Well, I think it's not. When you want to forget someone or distance yourself from someone, it's okay to remove certain memories that will drive you to remember or even try for them again. I didn't want to do that, so I unfriended him. So far, it's working.
There you have it. I know all of you don't care because you guys don't exist, but I just wanted to document this, but not in a poetic way. Hope I'll find someone better. :]
DLSN: https://www.wattpad.com/story/182314939-dlsn-poetry
Just last year, I was joined in a section namely St. Dunstan. I knew about a quarter of the people in the section, but the rest I have either seen in campus but have not had conversations with or people who I generally did not know. He was one of those people. At first glance, I didn't like him instantly. The feeling didn't just appear from there. At first glance, I knew I wanted to know more about him. I did get to know him better and I thought that he was a very likeable person.
Around second quarter (or halfway through first semester), I already considered him my crush. I admired him, I was denying the fact that I did like it when my friends shipped him with me. In that timespan, I didn't think about questions like "Does he like me back?" Or "Am I undeserving of this kind of person?" Because I indulged too much in the happiness that his idea gave me. It was a little thing that kept me going because I genuinely thought that I had a chance with him because, in full offense, he was my crush because my standards sunk that low. Rising up from my previous crush before him, I had to look for someone who I thought was going to like me somehow. I thought he was a perfect fit, as the insensitive and weird person he is.
Third quarter (start of second sem.) rolled in and this is where things started to go downhill. I got most of my breakdowns here and it was because I was trying to be the perfect person for him—to the point that I was asking my friend how he prefers his women so that I may fit in with the given standards. It was probably the lowest point in my whole year because I felt like a beggar, a person waiting and struggling for approval. He knew that I cried a lot, but he didn't know that it was partly because of him. The idea of him made me mad, it wasn't his fault.
Fourth quarter (near end of second sem.) I am seated with—let's call him Korea—who is now my close friend. Korea didn't know about my crush until I blurted it out. We worked hand-in-hand, both in terms of academics and in terms of crushes. His crush is also my friend and they were together but they broke up shortly after. He chaser after her because she told him that it was mainly his fault that it didn't work out. So, I worked with him through it as he worked with mine. In this quarter, I admitted it (kind of). I admitted it in April 1, but took it seriously in April 2. I got the most nonchalant response ever which was "I know. I'm ok with it, though." With a shrug. It was so nonchalant, it beat the previous one by 100%. I know it would've been worse if it was more dramatic, but seeing that I liked this person since September and not getting at least a decent acknowledgement is pretty annoying. Weeks went by, and Korea came up with this theory that this was when he'd caught on. He told me that maybe he wasn't convinced enough since I hid those feeling a lot. I believed him, so I kept trying. He was showing a bit of convincing proof that it was like that, but the back of my brain wasn't buying it.
Summer rolled by, and I still liked him. I couldn't get over all the things he and Korea have said. So I tried initiating conversations and he did reply. He also started some. Shortly after, I came to this realization that maybe he wasn't the correct person to like. I found him to be very insensitive and secretive—both of which I don't like. I realized that because I keep trying to be with this person, I have sunken so low. So, because of that, I gave up and remove whatever remnance I had of our conversations and memories. Some of you may think that it's petty to unfriend someone you didn't even have a relationship with. Well, I think it's not. When you want to forget someone or distance yourself from someone, it's okay to remove certain memories that will drive you to remember or even try for them again. I didn't want to do that, so I unfriended him. So far, it's working.
There you have it. I know all of you don't care because you guys don't exist, but I just wanted to document this, but not in a poetic way. Hope I'll find someone better. :]
DLSN: https://www.wattpad.com/story/182314939-dlsn-poetry
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