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the inspiration for dlsn.

Hello, non-existent readers. It's 11:10 p.m. and I have nothing else to do than to narrate a story to you. It helps to get things off of my head. Since all of you don't exist, you haven't heard of the poem book I wrote on Wattpad called DLSN, which also has non-existent readers. The poems written in the book were poems that I dedicated to this one person who I liked. It used to be a dedication, but now it's merely a remembrance of how I liked him. I thought it would be interesting to look back at the true story that actually inspired me to write those specific literary pieces. Just last year, I was joined in a section namely St. Dunstan. I knew about a quarter of the people in the section, but the rest I have either seen in campus but have not had conversations with or people who I generally did not know. He was one of those people. At first glance, I didn't like him instantly. The feeling didn't just appear from there. At first glance, I knew I wanted to kno
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three cups obesity, seven cups social anxiety.

(made in 3/19/19) It seems that I have worsen my predicament, and this, obviously, is not what I wanted. What method did I use, you ask? I regurgitate info, idealisms, or knowledge  that I didn't have in the first place in places where they require correct info, idealisms, or knowledge in it. I know I'm taking this on something small that happened today, but I tend to overlook them and today I have correlated this to my past mistakes. It is human to make mistakes, but my predicament is that I've made too many. I need to stop to making them because I can no longer be described human by then. In addition, I still have my social anxiety. It isn't a good fit when someone who has such commits mistakes that exceed the limit that defines being human. This frustration has gotten worse because of the fact that I need to redeem myself for the shit I've done when I was still unaware of what I was doing. That era, I regret more than this. I've been an asshole for nu
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four cups obesity, four cups social anxiety.

I am a clinically obese person. I weigh more than 150 pounds—ashamed, but too unproductive to fix it. Just by looking at me, you would know that I am obese. I don't eat a lot (anymore), mostly because it makes myself cringe when I see myself eating anything. I do not like wearing revealing clothes. I can only wear skirts that are two inches above the knee and dark-colored skinny jeans. Wearing shorts or anything revealing would be my death wish. It's hard to be unattractive and to have social anxiety. The amount of imaginary criticisms that you get on a daily basis can drown out any remaining positivity that you have. You can't do anything to stop it either because unless you do something about your weight, you stay deluded and on watch for possible criticisms about just about anything that you do. I've been getting comments about my weight since forever—it actually became a part of my childhood because it started ever since I knew how to walk. I was raised fat and I
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everything is a social construct.

I have this friend that likes giving everyone small existential crises, one that would kind of ruin your day because it makes you perceive things wrong once you know about it. And, what he says are fascinating, but I don't think they are true. Scratch that, they are not true. Why? Because everything is a social construct. Everything we say, do and think, are not true and we merely made up these concepts. You might say "How can you prove your theory?" And to that, I respond "well, how can you disprove it?" Not even the greatest scientist can prove that we exist, that scientist cannot prove that he/she is following the correct concepts of life if he/she can't even prove it to be real. It is a haunting piece of info, it certainly does scared me a bit, but most of the time, it makes me worry about things less. I told my close friend about how I like believing this theory, and she told me that I actually believe in one of her greatest fears. She perceives it i
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